Write on, Gatecrasher
by Kalann
Summary: A fanfic writer is disturbed by a party in the Lab and decides to join in.  Please review.


Write on, Gate-Crasher

WARNING: If you do not like satire do not read any further. If you like the original trio of John, Kenny and Carol, be warned, this is a bit of fun at their expense. Enjoy! 

This story was inspired by a friend of mine who wrote a similarly-based and much funnier story for another show. I've tried to include as many of the show's clichés and things I would like to see happen to various characters as I can, including a variation on what I think is one of the worst lines they ever used. See if you can spot them all.

The story is set immediately after War of the Empires.

Legalese: I don't own the TPs, I never have and never will (though I wish I did)._ I am using the characters for entertainment purposes only, and I am making no money from this story. Any other characters that you do not recognise from either series of the Tomorrow People are mine. Please ask if you want to use them. Feedback would be most welcome._

On with the story….

The Tomorrow People were in a celebratory mood when they arrived back at the Lab after their apparent success in changing the Trig and chasing the Thargons away from Earth in their war against the Sorsons. Finally the Trig were going to listen to them, and maybe, just maybe, they would change and they would be willing and able to help them defend their planet… but then again, maybe not… mischievous grin

All the Tomorrow People had been given time off from the Trig to return home for a short stay, so the lab was fairly crowded by the time their party started. They had invited Ginge, Chris, Lefty and Professor Cawston to help celebrate but unfortunately they were all otherwise engaged.

The party was soon in full swing, the ginger beer was flowing and TIM was doing an amazing job producing sandwiches and other goodies.

Carol was finally getting round to congratulating John and Liz on their recent achievements when an exasperated voice came from nowhere, "Will you please keep the noise down!"

Carol, as usual, started to panic. "Who said that?"

"I did, " came the reply, still apparently from nowhere.

"John, someone's invading the lab! What are we going to do?" she squealed, jumping to conclusions, as usual.

The Voice came again, "Button it will you? I'm trying to work."

Carol suddenly fell silent, her lips fastened shut with a button. She tried to telepath, but found no one could hear her. It appeared that the button was made of something that took away her powers. It was not barlumin because that would have affected everyone else in the lab and have given her a fit to boot. It was something else. On the other hand, she reasoned (if Carol reasoning is not a contradiction in terms) they may not have heard her because they were too busy celebrating and congratulating each other on a job well done.

"YES!" the Voice said in triumphant glee. "At last, I've finally managed to shut her up! Do you know how long I've been waiting to do that?"

"Not half as long as we have," replied Stephen wickedly. "She seems to have worked herself up into quite a lather doesn't she?"

Carol shot him a dirty look as she vanished and reappeared in a bath containing a rubber duck and lots of bubbles.

"You're never alone with a rubber ducky, they say." giggled the Voice, "Oops, sorry, wrong show!" The Voice paused, sobered up and continued, "All right, now if you promise to control yourself I'll remove the button."

Carol nodded vigorously. She was so confused by what was happening that as her mouth went back to normal she blurted out, "It's lather, John! It's lather!"

"She does have quite a talent for stating the obvious doesn't she?" said the Voice.

While the Voice was still speaking Carol, the bath, its bubbles and rubber duck disappeared and a confused Carol reappeared fully clothed and dripping wet.

"Can we have a towel for Carol, please TIM," asked Elizabeth.

A big light blue towel appeared on a chair near Carol. It had the words "The Tomorrow People" written on one side across its length in massive, black lettering and a large TP logo on the other.

"TIM, did you do that?" asked Carol, when she had regained her composure.

"No, Carol. I did provide the towel, but it is not the one I expected. It is a little showy for my taste," admitted TIM.

"Then who changed it, and why?" wondered Hsui Tai.

"I did. Do you like it? It's a little merchandising idea I had ready for that mass breakout you keep talking about." the Voice explained as the theme tune for The Great Escape started playing in the background.

"That's a good idea," said Andrew admiringly, as the tune faded out.

"Not really," John disagreed irritably. "We're not ready for the saps to know about us yet."

"Too late for that I'm afraid." The Voice continued, ignoring John for the moment and turning her attention to Andrew. "And what does good merchandising get us?"

Andrew's eyes lit up as he grasped the concept. "Lots of money," he answered. "Can I have one of those towels, please?"

"John's inventions can't pay for everything, you know. We are sailing pretty close to the wind as it is," agreed Mike cheekily, deciding it would be fun to annoy John and keep the Voice on side at the same time.

"Well done Mike, Andrew, I'm proud of you," replied the Voice. "By the way, we'll discuss your fee later."

"Do you have any idea what's happening, John?" asked Trisha.

"In a word…"

Before he could complete his sentence Mike, Stephen and Tyso looked at each other conspiratorially, chorused, "NO!" and collapsed in fits of laughter.

"Who are you?" John asked the Voice.

"Who do you think I am? This is my story and since you disturbed me by making so much noise when I'm trying to work on something I had thought you might like, I thought I'd join in and have some fun with you for a change."

"Oh no, its…" began Kenny as a fanfare of Dum Da Ra Da Duuuum sounded in the background.

"Put a sock in it Kenny. I'm trying to think," said John without pausing to consider the consequences.

Instantly the biggest sock he'd ever seen was stuffed into Kenny's mouth, the toe end trailing on the floor.

"You have no idea how many people would like to thank you for saying that, John," sighed the Voice contentedly.

Kenny started to pull the sock out of his mouth.

"_TIM, contact the Trig and ask them if they've ever encountered anything like this before, please," _pleaded John telepathically. _"And tell them it's urgent. We need to sort this out soon."_

"_Very well, but considering the bizarre nature of what has been happening I do not think they will be able to help,"_ replied TIM.

"Naughty, naughty," said the Voice. "It's very rude trying to talk behind my back. It won't work you know."

As Elizabeth twigged who had been talking to them, Kenny finally managed to extract the last of the sock from his mouth. Elizabeth decided to see if John could work it out for himself. She was going to enjoy this!

"John, think for a moment. I'm sure you'll be able to work who out and what we're dealing with," she said.

"Do you think I'd be asking the Trig for help if I could work it out?" he replied irritably. "This is a really desperate situation."

"You know John, I've always thought you were too stiff for your own good," said Stephen as John turned into wooden puppet.

"I think the Trig has been pulling your strings for far too long," the Voice continued while John danced a comical jig as his strings were pulled.

"Cut it out!" John demanded. Instantly he regretted opening his mouth as his strings were cut leaving him helpless on the floor.

"Do you mind?" he hissed.

"You really ought to loosen up, and learn to relax, John," said Mike, playing along.

"I agree," said Tyso, stifling a laugh.

"Like this, you mean," said the Voice as John turned into a rather large red jelly baby.

"_Will you stop that?"_he 'pathed to the Voice.

"Oh, alright," sulked the Voice, finally taking notice of John's plight. "You never let anyone have any fun." John was now back to normal, except that his flares were about a metre wider than usual, but as no one had noticed, the Voice decided to leave him like that.

"Thank you," said John tersely.

"TIM, since John clearly can't answer my question, will you do me a favour and tell me if you have any ideas." said Trisha, getting rather fed up with being kept in the dark.

"I do!" confirmed TIM. "But I don't think you'll like it."

"They don't have to like it," quipped the Voice.

"If I may continue…" said TIM impatiently.

"Be my guest." The Voice continued sarcastically. "I'd just looove to hear your theory as to who and what I am."

"Well," said TIM thoughtfully. "I have not been able to get through to the Trig for their advice, because there is too much interference. Probably due to our guest."

"Correct, TIM," said the Voice. "I thought it best that the Trig don't find out about this. It would send them into a fit they'd never recover from if they had any idea what is going on here. Hmm. On second thoughts maybe I should let you contact them. Oh well, never mind."

TIM continued, "She does not sound like a Thargon or a Sorson and has a humanoid sense of humour. She might be a Vorlon, but what she says does at least make some sort of sense."

"Thank you soooo much. No. I'm not any of those." replied the Voice encouragingly. "Besides, I thought this was a TP universe, not a B5 one. And before you ask, no, I'm NOT going to explain that!" she paused for breath and continued impatiently, "Hurry up. I don't want to stay here all night listening to your theories, but I'm not leaving until you get it right! You got my attention by making so much noise, so I'm going to see how long it takes you work it out. I do have other things to do you know."

"I think I know," said Elizabeth. "Think about it. No alien would know all about us. She has certainly been amusing herself with some of us, but she hasn't killed anyone and no one's been permanently hurt."

"And remember, she did mention a story," said Trisha picking up her train of thought.

"So that's it!" exclaimed John.

"Ah, I see, the light's finally come on has it, John?" said the Voice softly.

"Yes! She must some kind of writer."

"Well done! It took you long enough. Elizabeth and Kenny got it right half an hour ago. You're not as smart as I thought you were, John, and I find that just a little disappointing. Oh well, it's been fun," said the Voice. "But before I go, I thought I'd congratulate you all myself on a job well done with the Thargons, Sorsons and the Trig. Particularly the Trig. They are an extreme irritation to me. I leave you with some gifts which you may find useful. I hope you like them."

With that, the Voice fell silent, leaving them to continue their party and open the mountain of parcels that had materialised on the jaunting pad.

THE END

See I told you John, Kenny and Carol fans wouldn't like it!


End file.
